it's freaky..

it is freaky when what you are dreaming comes true.. huyyoo.. kalau best takpe.. kalau mimpi tak jadi real.. aiseh..

takpe.. yg penting.. mimpi best aku jadi real.. muahahahahahaha

tired

feels a bit exhausted. both mind and physical. been doing alot of things these past few days. alhamdulillah, apart from invitation to 2 buka puasa event, i managed to home-cooked my meals. so far, nasi ayam, nasi lemak, nasi lauk, kebab, roti john and some kueh. I even managed to wipe up mashed potato on the first day of ramadhan.

kurang pahala puase cerita pasal makanan. but i love food and i love to cook. unfortunately only immediate family members managed to taste my food. hehehe.. few have managed to get a taste of my superfantasticfreakylicious nasi lemak..(sendiri puji.. hehehe) and have requested me to bring more. but that's all i can manage with the time i have. and it also depend on the situation.

but back to the topic of exhausted. i've been feeling lethargic for these few days. i couldn't sleep at nite and thanks to FB, it make the matter worst. (hehehe..)

been doing a lot of thinking (which contribute to the sleepless nite) which i need to stop..

ayyaaaa

This time last year..

I'm having a very rough time this time of the year because of last year. It's been a year (almost). I thought I could never survived it but Alhamdulillah I could.

Trust me, it is hard. I got thru it with lots of doa and buckets of tears. The most difficult part is not to be angry. the acceptance is yet to come. the hate is still there, and the wound still hurt. But i'll get thru this another year.

I do not know if separation is the answer. But i've tried to go thru it. Yes it is hard. but Allah promise Jannah for me. I never blame Him for all that have happened. I blame it on stupidity, selfishness and greed and all those negatives word that exist in human's heart. in my heart. so if i could get rid of all thos negatives, insyaAllah, Jannah is waiting for me thereafter.

I'm not fully sad but I do feel a bit down. I've been thinking about what if I chose different path last year, what would happen today? I've been thinking about my future options, choices, decisions that I will make and how it will shape my future. and all those thinking makes me feel a bit sad. I wish ayah is here. he would definitely will be my pillar. my strongest supporter and he will definitely know what to say and what to do. I miss so much and I kept praying for him everyday.

InsyaAllah, as years goes by, it will be easy breezy beautiful life.