This time last year..

I'm having a very rough time this time of the year because of last year. It's been a year (almost). I thought I could never survived it but Alhamdulillah I could.

Trust me, it is hard. I got thru it with lots of doa and buckets of tears. The most difficult part is not to be angry. the acceptance is yet to come. the hate is still there, and the wound still hurt. But i'll get thru this another year.

I do not know if separation is the answer. But i've tried to go thru it. Yes it is hard. but Allah promise Jannah for me. I never blame Him for all that have happened. I blame it on stupidity, selfishness and greed and all those negatives word that exist in human's heart. in my heart. so if i could get rid of all thos negatives, insyaAllah, Jannah is waiting for me thereafter.

I'm not fully sad but I do feel a bit down. I've been thinking about what if I chose different path last year, what would happen today? I've been thinking about my future options, choices, decisions that I will make and how it will shape my future. and all those thinking makes me feel a bit sad. I wish ayah is here. he would definitely will be my pillar. my strongest supporter and he will definitely know what to say and what to do. I miss so much and I kept praying for him everyday.

InsyaAllah, as years goes by, it will be easy breezy beautiful life.