Kurang sikit serabut

Semalam memang hari serabut aku.. dengan demam dan batuk sampai langsung takde selere makan.. tu belum campur lara lagi.. semalam aku hilang dompet duit.. MyKad, MyKid, kad ATM semuanya hilang.. tu lah tandanya aku serabut sangat..

hari ni aku terpaksa ambik cuti nak setelkan semua urusan rasmi.. mula-mula lara juga hati ni. nak menangis semua ada.. tapi sebab hari ni aku sorang-sorang berjalan dari LRT ke LRT, bangunan ke bangunan, turun naik teksi.. aku ada banyak masa untuk aku berfikir.. dan selepas sembang lagi dengan dia.. aku rasa runtun dihati aku makin hilang.. beban di jiwa makin kurang.. sikit2 kabus dalam kepala aku makin menerang..

perbualan kami dua tiga malam lepas makin jelas.. mungkin (aku pon tak berapa nak paham jugak) tapi aku paling ingat bila dia kata cuba la aku letak diri aku kat tempat dia.. kitorang dua orang tak pernah letak diri masing-masing kat tempat dia.. mungkin susah la jadi dia.. bla bla bla..

then aku kene plak jadi pendengar untuk dia yang selama hari ni jadi punca aku makan hati.. boleh korang bayangkan tak? aku pulak yg pujuk dia supaya tak bercerai.. muahahahaha.. kelakar tak? tak la kelakar mana sebab macam yang kita tau.. apa yang kita nak tak semestinya bagus untuk kita dan apa yang kita tolak tu sebenarnya bagus untuk kita.. Damn! I'm so nice.. (or mental which ever you look at it) tapi aku sangat happy at the end of our conversation.. aku tatau kenapa.. aku betul-betul feel good..

maybe he's right after all.. we do have something in common and compliment each other.. which make a great combination for a best friend.. aku pon tatau pegi mane cemburu, marah, sakit ati.. dan segale sakit-sakit jiwa yang aku pikul selama hari nih.. aku rasa lebih aman.. yep.. that's it.. aman.. tenang.. aku dah buang satu beban yang tak sepatutnya aku bawak..

Allah's is the Greatest Planner.. cuma aku je yang bangang.. lambat sangat bertindak.. aku dok redah tembok dinding..

enough rambling.. nak setelkan rumah.. then mengabdikan diri padaNya..

i'm fine..thank you

I'm fine.. thank you for asking.. well life still sucks but hey.. at least you still alive.. when i woke up and see my three little angels bergolek2 around me it really make my day..

there will always be the ups and downs but i just let them be.. i live my life a day at a time.. cherish every moments.. even when i cried my heart out.. at least i can cry.. i laughed out loud whenever something funny happens.. at least i can laugh.. i know somewhere someone suffers more than what I've endured.

on the other hand, i've something more important to think about.. at least i could stop thinking about lara di hati.. hehehe..

do you know that there are two person that you dreaded to see.. when u have bad hair day or bad teeth. 1. dentist 2. hairstylist

1. if u have bad teeth, dentist will pull it out.. u can never replace a teeth..
2. if u have bad hairday.. u might thinking twice going to a new hairstylist cause u may have a new hairstyle that u hate.. n the bad think is u might need to shave your head..

errghh.. what i'm rambling about.. ngantuk ke hape nih?

New baby and something to else

I have a new baby.. it's red.. and it's a handphone.. after few years using handphone, this is the first time i bought my own.. selame hari ni pakai yang free.. yang orang kasi.. hehehe..

it's not that fancy but what i like the most is now i have my own private radio.. hohoho.. it has all the rah rah fancy functions which i have no idea how to use it.. but being the typical techno phobic like me.. i just use the simple basic funtions (text and voice, picture, and RADIO). muahahahahaha... i'm so happy happy happy... laa laa laaa..

this is one way of making my life less miserable and i enjoy the kids even better.. hehehe.. mane taknya.. sebelah telinga bleh sumbat radio dan guna sebelah telinga layan diorang memekik mekik.. so my blood are less likely to go upstair.. hehehehe.. happy mom.. happy kids.. less cranky mom.. more happy kids.. hehehe..

maybe for some people its not a big deal to have a radio. but i do.. because.. hehehehe.. i feel super happy when i can listen to hindi song.. wahahahahaa... see? i just love hindi songs.. i have no idea how it started.. but i just love it.. i still remember when i was 9 or 10 singing 'tera mujhse se pehle.. kanata koii.. yu hi mere dil lubata koii..' from the film 'aaa gale lag ja'.. (ntah betul ke tak ejaan.. pegi lantak laa kan.. hehehe..). i remember singing some songs from movies like jaanwar, andaz etc with my mom.. she love em.. ye aa.. dulu dating tengok movie hindi laa kan.. hahaha.. i know some of the singers name like kishore kumar, mohamad rafi.. the sisters lata and asha.. and other oldies..
uiks? bakpe aku merepek pasal hindustan plak nih.. hahaha.. bukan tengah cerite pasal phone ke?

ok.. back to the new baby.. since it is red in kaler.. i will call her..(phone got gender ka?) che ah.. hehehe.. pepandai jee.. and since i treat everything as things.. the huha of getting new gadgets will die soon and perhaps i will never refer che ah as che ah anymore.. got it.. and if che af is lucky, she will stay comel for a year.. after that.. hermm... i'm not so sure.. hehehehe...

i'm trying to be extra happy today and the day after today and the next day.. because.. this time around last year.. i was so sad and hurts and betrayed that i thought i could never be the same again.. i thought i could never survived this.. i don't even know how to breath.. alhamdulillah.. after a year.. i'm still the same.. except being bruised and broken and still trying to nurse this huge cut in my heart.. sometimes i feel weak.. i cried and cried because it still hurts.. very very painfully.. and sometimes, when i feel stronger, the pain is still there but it doesn't hurts that much..

so.. che ah do make my day.. i'm not 100% happy.. (who does anyway?) but still i'm happy.. i'm still alive.. boleh peluk cium my sweethearts.. boleh tengok diorang lompat lompat.. che ah help me to be a better mom.. by being there to entertain me.. i'm lonely you know...

Kepale ting tong.. Emosi tenat.. aarghhhh

Masa-masa yang sangat kritikal sekarang ni. Emosi, fizikal, financial dan macam-macam lagi. Aku rasa macam diserang semput yg tenat. Aku jadi penat. Banyak sebab kenapa aku rasa berat.

1. Rumah mak. *&%$$@ punye mangkok yang bawak lari duit rumah mak. Aku tak halalkan. Kalau aku nih sang gelembai*, dah lame dia jadi batu. Lepas tu aku hanyutkan dia ke laut lepas. Biar sampai tujuh keturunan dia tak dapat cari. Sebab mangkok ni dah bawak lari duit makanya segala financial plan dah kelam kabut. Habis togel dah saving aku nak siapkan rumah mak ni. Aku betul-betul dah penat nak pikir. Nak suruh adik pulak pikir. Tension punya pasal. Aku suruh je kontraktor tu stop dulu construction. Nasib baik mak ada. Sejuk sikit hati.
*Sang Gelembai ni wujud dlm cerita org dulu-dulu. Kerjanya menyumpah orang jadi batu sesaja. Aku pon pelik. Dia makan apa? Kalau ditegur je semua jadi batu. Makan batu gamaknya dia nih..

2. Aku kena makan ubat. Detail ubat tak payah laa aku cerita tapi aku rasa macam ting tong semacam. Pening seeh.. Ditambah dengan loya. Gile ah.. Macam ngandung anak sulung aku rasa. Aku buang jugak laa pil ni.. Sib baik aku dah janji ngan diri sendiri nak try satu bulan sahaja. Sengal kepala aku.

3. Rumah sendiri. Bila laaa boleh pindah ke rumah sendiri ni. Kena tunggu Letter of Consent dari Pemaju la pulak. Entah bila laa pemaju ni nak bagi surat. Aku dah banyak angan-angan Mat Jenin ni. Dah siap Layout untuk Interior Decoration lagi. Aku nak letak singa, gajah, kuda, dubuk tetapi bukan babi. Letak pokok-pokok. Tema rumah aku nanti "Me Jane. You Tarzan".. hahahha.. ok tak? (sawan sedara-mare bila melawat rumah nanti..). Yang penting aku nak duduk dengan family aku sendiri sebelum tension aku jadi kritikal. Aku takut sebab kadang-kadang aku punya sabar jadi sikiiiiiiiiiiiiit sangat dan aku kena istighfar banyaaaaaaaaaaaaak sangat.

4. Hidung anak-anak aku sumbat tak baik-baik. Alahan diorang nih merisaukan aku. Nak tidur malam pon susah bila diorang berlawan dengkur. Aku nak gi mintak rhinocort ngan doktor la ini macam. Kesian diorang. Hidung tersumbat. Aku pon kadang-kadang sumbat jugak.

Dah laa.. nak penatkan fizikal berkerja pulak.. hahahahah