the art of grieving

i have trouble to grieve. when you lost someone dear to you you'll have to grieve in order to let go.. me? i can never let go. the fact that some one has gone sink really slowly in my brain. i grieve later.. i will be sad, angry, confused and all the stages of grieving (as described in my psychology text book) very late.. i mean few months late. i have trouble letting go. so when i read this sekadar luahan rasa i cried.. i really really cried because the fact that i will never going to see her ever again just hit me in my face.. and the result would be my swollen eyes in the morning..

she was my children paternal great grandmother. my husband's grandmother whom we seldom met. i hardly can understand her when she speak (a thick trengganu loghat vs confused perak+kedah). i could not comprehend her basic instruction without looking desperately at my husband or ayohteh as the translator. i remember the first time she ask me for "ssupikk" over and over again as i was clueless what on earth is "ssupikk". ayoh teh came to the rescue and told me to get plastic bag from the kitchen.. the conversations that we have would be she'll talk and i listen (with the occasional "oooowwhh".. heheheh)

i hope she know that i love her so much like my own grandmother even though i never show it and she love me as much. i feel sorry for not spending more time with her.. she did show how to make daging goreng eventhough i wish i could learn more..

the first time i heard the news, yes i was sad.. i cried a lot.. recite al-fatihah and suratul-yassin for her.. but the feeling intensified when i saw the picture of her grave.. just like arwah ayah.. i always felt like they are still around but far away.. but the moment i saw the grave, my tears wouldn't stop flowing..

orang kate saya benyekk.. kuat nangis.. but kuat nangis tak semestinya lemah beb.. my way of grieving is to cry.. alot.. hehehehe